


not my girl, always my girl

by diamondRings_andThingslikethat



Series: The Affair [2]
Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Heartbreak, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jealousy, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23227444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondRings_andThingslikethat/pseuds/diamondRings_andThingslikethat
Summary: Addy has iced Beth out, and Beth is... dealing.Beth-centric.Side story in The Affair series.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon, Colette French/Addy Hanlon
Series: The Affair [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665097
Comments: 14
Kudos: 81





	not my girl, always my girl

Beth and Addy don't talk anymore, not really, and that's not for a lack of effort of Beth's part. 

If she's lucky, she can get Addy to talk to her in group settings, or if she corners her when they are completely alone. Usually in the locker rooms or showers after practice because Addy waits until everyone else leaves now to use those, meaning Beth has to hang behind and wait, if she even shows up at all and doesn't go home with Colette French as soon as practice is over. And, if and when she is lucky, their talks are usually chaste and unpleasant; she's made Addy smile maybe once or twice since that day she found that hickey that she til this day she swears wasn't a hickey on her neck. Addy doesn't text her anymore; not first and she doesn't answer, except for those occasions where she's asking to be left alone. They don't talk on the phone, they don't facetime. 

She's even physically seen Addy turn and avoid her locker, if she's already standing there. 

Not like Beth would ever admit it out loud, but yeah, she cries about it. A lot more than what she's proud of. 

Addy's not her girl anymore; she doesn't have plans to give up on her, on them, but she's not indenial either. She wants to scream at world, but that's just a waste of energy. She wants to blame Colette French for this, and she does. But, part of her not being indenial is her knowing she can't blame that blonde haired bitch for everything, but Addy's always been drifting away. It was like, whenever Beth loosened her grip, Addy would begin to slip through her fingertips. The only way to ever hold onto her girl was by suffocation, which was exhausting but Addy was worth holding onto; even know with them not speaking, it's hard to picture her life without her. Since the beginning of time, things have been that way; her holding clutching to Addy like she were life support. 

Wee bit ironic considering the tighter she held, the more Addy would squirm. 

She supposes their drift was inevitable, supposes Coach French was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Doesn't mean she has to like it. Doesn't mean she's willing to accept it, and she won't. Even if she can't repair their relationship, she's got to get her from underneath Colette's thumb. She doesn't deserve Addy; Beth knows a snake when she sees one and Colette French is about as venomous as they come. 

She's not blind; she's seen how she ripped through Sarge Will like a tornado. Addy doesn't need to go through that; Addy's too pure. 

She watches them, day in and day out. They probably think they're being subtle. She supposes maybe they are, seeing as she's the only one to have noticed. She sees the small touches to the small of her back when no one else is looking. She notices — even from a distance — the lustful glint in Coach's eye when Addy is doing a particularly provocative dance in the choreography _she_ created. Their hushed conversations off to the side; Addy going to her office right after every practice and staying behind a locked door for twenty minutes, and that's just on days when they don't leave together straight away. They aren't as slick as they think; she notices, really notices. She sees it beyond the illusion that Addy is just an eager Coach's Pet unlike the other girls. 

That's what makes it so hurtful for her. 

Addy could have anyone — any guy, any girl — she could have ditched her for anybody, but instead drops her for a domineering, washed up cheerleader who lived vicariously through teenage girls to relive wasted youth. She'd always thought Addy was better than that. 

* * *

She ends up outside of Coach's house on a Thursday night. 

Addy's mom wanted to know if they were together. She said yes, of course. But, she only had an idea of where her girl actually was, and she wasn't wrong. 

It kills her that she wasn't wrong. 

She can see into the living room, vaguely through the blinds. But, she doesn't need a clear look to know that she's seeing Addy and the old hag cuddled up on the Coach, watching something on the television that Beth couldn't quite make out. Not that she was particularly trying to. It was hard to focus on what was on the TV when she was staring at her girl naked in the arms of another, Coach French's fingers tracing lines over her back. She didn't have the best view, but she thinks Addy might be asleep. 

Beth texts her, asks where she is, says her mother wants to know even though she's already got that covered. Beth watches, waits for movement. And, it's Coach who picks up Addy's phone once the text is delivered. It's Coach who leaves her on read. (Why does she have her password?) Beth wonders how many times she has done that and not Addy herself. 

She considers taking a video or picture, to expose Coach. But, Addy would never forgive her, so she walks away. Doesn't even bother to wipe the stray tear that falls from her eye. 

* * *

She finds Addy behind a opened locker the next days, sees a shiny bracelet that she'd first noticed a little ways back. Much after her hamsa was given away, but she wears it on the same wrist. Every time she sees it, the knife in her chest digs deeper and twists a little bit more; it's coming out of her back by now. 

She creeps up, can no longer walk with her usual confidence, not around Addy; it attracts much attention. If Addy notices her, she'll leave. And, yeah, Beth wants to confront her, but she mainly just wants to hear her voice, wants a little bit of her time, her attention. So, she approaches slow and quiet, leans against the locker and says nothing. She just waits until Addy closes it. She jumps a bit, does a sharp breath intake when she sees her but relaxes. 

All Beth notices now are her ears. Shiny, sparkling and new. Colette doesn't seem like the ice-a-girl-out type, but she knows — just from looking at them — Addy can't afford those on her own. Not with that pay and certainly not with those hours. Addy's pussy must be made of gold. Not that Beth would know; she was never granted such luxuries, but there was nothing about Addy that wasn't worth her weight in gold so she could only imagine. 

"Nice earrings." She really can't take her eyes off of them. Coach seemed to really have outdone herself. 

If Addy wants to flee (and she certainly looks like she wants to, she doesn't. Which Beth is too happy about to allow herself to feel the shock of it all. Addy's avoiding looking at her, though, and Beth can't help but wonder what she ever did so wrong. Addy was always going to break her heart and she always knew that, told Addy so; she just really never thought it would be intentional. Addy treats her like she's repugnant, and she just doesn't understand why. 

"Uh, thanks."

Beth doesn't blink, doesn't miss a beat, "Where'd you get 'em?"

"Some online store, I don't really remember the name of it," Beth nodded. Addy used to be so honest with her, so open. She misses that. "It just came yesterday." 

"Same place you get the bracelet from?" Her tone was a bit more aggressive than she'd intended it to be, but fuck it. 

Addy sighs, "What do you want, Beth?"

Beth shakes her head, slow, "Nothing. Just wanted to know if you had fun with your girlfriend last night."

Addy ducks her head and mutters, "I don't know what you're talking about," as she tries to push past her. Beth isn't having it; she's tired of being avoided; palm to Addy's abs, exposed in her cheer uniform, she pushes Addy back in front of her. "What do you want, Beth?" Addy sounds exhausted. Completely fed up with her. 

Beth keeps her cool. Doesn't flinch, doesn't blink; she doesn't miss a fucking beat. "Just told you what I wanted." 

"And, I just told you," she sighs, heavy, from deep within. "I don't know what you're talking about." But, she's not looking at her. 

Beth steps closer, "Look me in my eyes and say that again." When Addy hesitates because, of course, she hesitates, Beth fills the silence it leaves. "Addy, I saw you, naked on her couch, last night." 

Addy looks at her, then. Finally. Eyes filled with shock with a hint of fury. But, Beth's just happy she's being looked at, being seen. She's missed those eyes. 

"Are you stalking me now?"

Beth shrugs. Of course, if that's what you want to call it, she'll take that. "Eyes on my girl, Addy. All the time." 

Addy closes her eyes, inhales and exhales like twice. "Why are you like this, Beth?" There's that weight again, in her voice. The weight that seems reserved for her. (At least something is reserved just for her.)

"Like what?"

Addy looks her in the eye, "Exhausting." Beth clenches her jaw to keep it from meeting her feet. But, she can't control her blinking, moving so quick, it's nearly obscuring her vision. Addy takes this as her chance to leave, mutters, "I'm not your girl anymore," as she passes. 

She could have physically gutted her with a rusty hook, and it would've been blissful compared to that. 

* * *

Beth finds herself in Coach's office. Her body is radiating heat, and she doesn't know if she's physically shaking, but she feels like she is trembling. 

"You proud of yourself," Coach looks up from her desk, narrows her eyes like she doesn't know what the fuck Beth is talking about, "fucking teenagers?" Beth sees the recognition flash through her eyes. She leans back, easy and chill, smug, even. 

She gives a small, nonchalant hug that lives mostly in her hands and arms than her shoulders. "You think those soldiers are proud of themselves?" Beth cringes. "Fucking you?" 

"You don't deserve to kiss the muddy ground she walks on."

Coach is unphased. Looks like she thinks she's invincible, and Beth knows that feeling. That's how having Addy on her arm once made her feel, would make anybody feel; Addy's a true prize, if she's ever seen one. It makes her that much angrier because whatever Colette says next doesn't matter. Even if she hadn't seen what she saw last night, that look on her face, would be enough to confirm all suspicion.

Beth wants to burn this office to the ground with Colette tied to her chair. 

"You're a sick person." Beth is ashamed that that's all she can think off, but she's too angry for her brain to function at it's normal capacity, and it had truly been the only thing on her mind. 

Colette gives a sardonic smirk and a Curt shake of the head because, of course, she's reveling in this, "I don't know what you mean, Cassidy, honestly. I'm just helping _my_ girl become a better cheerleader." 

Beth could scream. 

Beth should have taken a picture. Not that it would've been clear. 

"You should probably get to class. Do you need a note?" 

**Author's Note:**

> I just, did this? I don't know what my Beth is like. Can't say I'm too confident in it, but I'm not her biggest fan. Not by a long shot. But, this wouldn't leave my head, so I thought I'd share. Hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> (If you don't, can't say I don't get it.)


End file.
